Ok. I'm going to be a little bit honest, but at the same time, I'll try not to be too depressingly transparent. I've been going through a bit of a rough time emotionally. For a while, I guess, but the last couple weeks especially.
The kids are growing up and sort of needing me less--or at least the way they need me is different. Their needs are more emotional and relational, and it's not easy.
Also, we continue to have more and more financial needs, it seems, and I am not creating much income. I struggle to feel like I'm contributing enough...and some of the time, I struggle to feel like I'm contributing anything.
To top it all off, this week, I was told I'm not needed on our church staff anymore. It's really a good thing, because Pastor wants me to help more with music, which is definitely more my "sweet spot" than administrative tasks. And, my position has been completely volunteer, so I'm not losing income but should be gaining time. And I know that change is good. But I have to admit, even though I know it really honestly is a good thing, it has added to my emotional yuck.
Enough of the gunky stuff.
I want to pay more attention to blessings. It is better to focus on what I am thankful for than to sit and stew in sadness, worry, guilt, and general negativity. So, I'm taking a few minutes to focus on a few of the gifts/smiles/blessings that are around me today that have helped me see joy.
Joy: Jeremy has been knocking it out of the park for us around here. He even woke me up this morning when he left at 4:45 a.m. to speak encouragement he knew I needed to hear.
Joy: I read a good blog post that got me thinking.
Joy: I spent some time with Jesus and reading some good books. Some that I am working on right now (very slowly) are:
- Unglued: Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotions
- The Ragamuffin Gospel: Good News for the Bedraggled, Beat-Up, and Burnt Out
- Streams in the Desert: 366 Daily Devotional Readings
Joy: Because I was up early today, I had time to make waffles for the kids for breakfast!
Joy: I recently discovered what is now my favorite ice cream flavor! This is IT! If you like coconut, GET IT. Right now. Do not delay. (We get it at Meijer.) I've decided that my husband must like me fat, because he comes home with this without my asking for it and he knows it calls to me from the freezer.
Added joy: As if it wouldn't be amazing enough just having toasted coconut in ice cream, EACH PIECE OF TOASTED COCONUT IS ALSO COVERED IN CHOCOLATE!!!!! YES I AM SCREAMING AT YOU; THIS IS IMPORTANT!!! HEAVEN IN AN ICE CREAM TUB, PEOPLE. GET YOU SOME NOW!!!
Joy: Annah's friend Alexis brought her and their friend Shelby adorable boxes she made full of hand-picked raspberries from her yard to ask them if they would go to Homecoming with her. So sweet.
Joy: It is nice and cool today, and I am wearing jeans and socks for the first time in months! Ahhhhh!!!
Joy: I am home enjoying a quiet day to myself today. When I do put on shoes this evening, I get to wear my new Converse for the first time, and that's just fun.
Joy: I am crocheting today!
Joy: I've been crocheting for about 5 months, just projects that just seemed like they would be fun to make...new stitches or patterns to try, tiny challenges that help me feel accomplished when I finish them. I have a bin full now. I'm thinking about re-starting a crochet business.
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