Well this was a challenging day for me as a mother! I really do learn as my kids learn. And, clearly, sometimes I forget to teach them things until after they learn the lesson the hard way on their own--by making a mistake.
For me, it all started today when I was sitting at the piano at the school, helping the 6th grade choir during their class rehearsal. Someone came into the room, and even out of the corner of my eye, I was pretty sure it was Caeden's teacher. She knows I am at the school on Thursdays helping in the music department, because I have helped her during my in-between choirs time, so I figured she was probably there to speak with me. Mr. M. stopped the rehearsal and asked her how he could help her. She asked to speak with me in the hallway.
As we stepped outside the classroom, I could tell she was upset. She began to explain that her class took a math test today. She said that during the test many of the students, including Caeden, were having a lot of trouble with one particular problem. Apparently she was watching Caeden and saw that he figured it out.
She said she had told the students 3 times before the test not to look at each other's papers. But she saw Caeden, after he figured out the difficult problem, start to explain to another student how to do the problem. Uh-oh.
She explained to me that it made her very angry because, to her, he was giving the answer to someone because he liked the person. She was visibly upset, and I was a little taken aback by that because I was pretty sure Caeden didn't realize trying to explain an answer was cheating. She said she moved his discipline meter to yellow. (Think stoplight order, here. And, if it were me, I would have moved him straight to red to make the point!) I asked her what Caeden said to her when she disciplined him, and she said he didn't really say anything. No apology or acknowledgement of having done something wrong or of feeling guilty, from her standpoint. I told her I was sorry, and tried to explain that we probably haven't talked with Caeden yet about looking at others' papers or sharing answers or cheating and what it involves. I assured her we would.
So, when Caeden came home from school, I talked with him privately about the situation. He acknowledged that it happened as his teacher had explained to me. He told me he had no idea that what he did was cheating, and that he was just trying to be helpful. (The boy can be a real rascal, but I do trust that he would not knowingly cheat or cause someone else to.) He did admit that he knew it wasn't right to be talking to someone else during the test and looking at her paper, and said he was very sorry. He felt horrible to realize that he had cheated, and now understands not to ever do it again.
As his punishment, he had to write apology letters to his teacher, and the friend he helped to cheat on the test, and verbally apologize to them both as well.
Another part of his punishment was that he had to explain the whole situation to his daddy too. I think that was the worst part for him, because he told me he was afraid his daddy would kill him. I assured him that his daddy would not ever hurt him or anyone else, but he was pretty afraid to get yelled at. I was able to warn his daddy over the phone that there was a serious situation to be dealt with, and that he needed to be prepared to be gentle and give mercy. Caeden was able to explain to Jeremy what happened, and they talked about the seriousness of it all calmly.
The boy is really learning how important it is to make good choices. And we parents are learning how important it is to remain calm and discipline with patience.
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