Forgiveness & Friendship

"Friendship flourishes at the fountain of forgiveness.” -- William Arthur WardOn Friday evening, while the five of us were in the car on our way out to dinner, Annah started telling us about how her [probably closest at-school-] friend had been pinching her, and that it had hurt so much today that she had marks up and down her legs and almost cried. Clearly, we were very surprised and bothered by this story.

As we asked questions to try to understand better, it came out that this has been going on at lunchtime for at least a few months. She said it didn't hurt at first, but then it turned into kicking and hard pinching. Why didn't she tell her to stop? She did. Why didn't she tell her it hurt? She did. Why did she continue to sit by her at lunch, if it was happening every day? Her friend held her arm and wouldn't let go of her until they were seated and not allowed to move seats. Why didn't she tell a teacher? She didn't want to get her friend in trouble, we suspect; she couldn't raise her hand to get the lunchroom monitor's attention with her friend pinching her, and she was afraid to get out of her seat (breaking lunchroom rules) at lunchtime to tell the lunch monitor. "Why would you do this to me, if you are my friend?" she asked her friend, to no response.

I am thankful she finally told us what was happening.

When we asked Annah if she wanted me to call her friend's mom, she said, "Yes." Then she asked us if her friend could come over for a sleepover! Obviously, she had already forgiven her. However, I still wanted to know, somehow, that this friend wasn't going to hurt her again.

I called the friend's mother Saturday morning to explain what had been going on. This friend has been to our house several times for play and slumber parties, so we know her, and know her mother a little bit. (We knew that the family has been through a divorce and all the terribly hard things that come with that, just in the past year. Certainly, this little girl has been affected in deeply emotional ways, and we thought it might be possible she was taking out a little aggression on her friend Annah.)
Of course, the girl's mother was surprised and apologetic when I explained the situation. She assured me she would talk with her daughter, and that she needs to know you don't treat friends that way. I was relieved she didn't think we were accusing or judging or fabricating the story.

Since the kids are off school today for President's Day, Annah's friend was able to come for a sleepover last night. When her mom brought her in, she was carrying a pretty yellow friendship rose, and a letter for Annah. She gave them to her right away. The letter said, "Dear Annah, I am sorry I did wrong and pinched you. Please forgive me."
The girls played together very peacefully last evening and this morning, and were sad to part. I hope I handled the situation the way I should have, and that they both have learned something about the importance of forgiveness and friendship.